Social pressure
5 March 2023 05:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hamkawa11Y'know, I never really believed in society.
Every time I'm verbally made to believe that escaping and avoiding a future of nightmares is wrong, I do some research and think to myself. On the internet and news, I always find something that proves me right in my mindset and the ideas I have to be the correct course of action.
I'm constantly told one thing but displayed another, constantly bombarded with meaningless fluff, direct lies about things that are physically proven to be true through experience and research, and utter hypocrisy (which I try to criticize but am immediately shut down when pointing it out).
For years someone in my life has been falsely accusing me, gossiping about me, belittling me, and stealing from me. My work is ignored and not acknowledged, my dreams are crushed, and doors are constantly closed.
However, I realize now that she wasn't lying about me, she was lying DIRECTLY TOWARDS ME. To justify her frustrations and hurtful actions. Hoping her lies were correct, hoping that I, would feel irrational guilt even though the "bad" things that I have done were either not what she thought I was doing or avoiding her while not having myself involved with anyone else.
My eyes are clear now.
For years I have suffered but forgotten why and for months I would wait for something bad to happen just to give myself a reason to exit from her.
Now I know my actions don't need to be justified. They need to be correct. To benefit me and not harm others. To give me a life that I KNOW and have been RESEARCHED or PROVEN to be correct, to help me later in life. It's simple, I will no longer wait for the cycle of aggression to start to take action. I will not believe in others or give in to other plans, I WILL stay on my path of travel with adaption and perseverance.
Every time I'm verbally made to believe that escaping and avoiding a future of nightmares is wrong, I do some research and think to myself. On the internet and news, I always find something that proves me right in my mindset and the ideas I have to be the correct course of action.
I'm constantly told one thing but displayed another, constantly bombarded with meaningless fluff, direct lies about things that are physically proven to be true through experience and research, and utter hypocrisy (which I try to criticize but am immediately shut down when pointing it out).
For years someone in my life has been falsely accusing me, gossiping about me, belittling me, and stealing from me. My work is ignored and not acknowledged, my dreams are crushed, and doors are constantly closed.
However, I realize now that she wasn't lying about me, she was lying DIRECTLY TOWARDS ME. To justify her frustrations and hurtful actions. Hoping her lies were correct, hoping that I, would feel irrational guilt even though the "bad" things that I have done were either not what she thought I was doing or avoiding her while not having myself involved with anyone else.
My eyes are clear now.
For years I have suffered but forgotten why and for months I would wait for something bad to happen just to give myself a reason to exit from her.
Now I know my actions don't need to be justified. They need to be correct. To benefit me and not harm others. To give me a life that I KNOW and have been RESEARCHED or PROVEN to be correct, to help me later in life. It's simple, I will no longer wait for the cycle of aggression to start to take action. I will not believe in others or give in to other plans, I WILL stay on my path of travel with adaption and perseverance.
